blog entry

My Kids Are Wicked Smaht

Snippets from the Spawn

Every once in a while the spawn will say things, ask questions, or make an observation that just floors me. Some examples for consideration and your amusement: 1. A few nights ago, I overheard Freddy asking his father about helicopters. This is nothing new. If there is a military gadget that has been invented or at least thought of and talked about on the military channel, Freddy is down with all the stats and info. His question on this particular night was whether or not helicopters had wheels. It went something like this: Freddy: Daddy Incredible? DI: Yes, my genius son? F: Do helicopters have wheels? DI: Nope. No wheels. F: Well, dado…… DI: What is it buddy? F: Do helicopter factories have holes in the ceilings? DI: Ummmm, not that I’m aware of, smart boy. He was getting the idea at this point. Not this heifer…… F: Well, if they don’t have wheels, the factories don’t have holes, and they are REALLY big and have to fly, HOW DO THEY GET THEM OUT WHEN THEY’RE FINISHED? Thank GOD Leo was there to field this one, as I always feel like a dumb ass referencing google or an encyclopedia at 8 PM, in FRONT of the kids…… 2. This is the Fredster again, different day. F: Dad. Hey dad. DAaaaaaaaaD! L: What is it buddy? F: How old do you have to be to drive? L: You have to be 15 to begin learning, buddy. F: But, in order (yes, he said in order, so shut it) to get your license you have to take a test, right? L: Yep, you sure do. F: So, if you have to go take a test to learn how to drive and to get your driver’s license, how do you get to the testing place? Don’t you have to drive to get there? I have to say that these are the moments that make me want to keep them hidden in our house forever. We MIGHT be a little nuts, but they’re still thinking inside HERE. That all seems to stop as soon as the world gets hold of them…. I swear to you, I will fight stupid people with all my power…. Finally, we will end with a gem, courtesy of Dora. Freddy started Tae Kwon Do today. I have read much about the positive effect it has on self-esteem as well as discipline, so we’re giving it a go. In order to prep Dora for the 45 minutes she would have to sit quietly by, watching brother kick things without her, I was giving her a little TKD background. She interrupts me, mid-sentence, with perfect timing, to tell me, ” Mommy! You silly girl! It’s NOT Tae Kwon DO-UH! It’s Do- Re- Mi- Fa- So- La- Ti- Tae Kwon Do!!!!!!” I think I wet myself.