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Sarahthequeen05

I am a spunky 25-year-old living in a suburb of Tampa. I was relocated here with my husband of 2 years from western North Carolina when the Air Force decided that we were needed in sunny Florida! I had almost all the best times of my life at Salem College in Winston-Salem, NC, the oldest women's c...

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Chemo Sucks

I realize that this is not earth-shattering news.  Everyone knows that chemo is terrible.  But I had no idea how terrible. 

My first bout with it was last Tuesday.  I have to honestly say that I didn’t feel excruciatingly awful so far- my cancer’s pretty early on, stage-wise.  Sitting around in the chemo-cubicle at my doctor’s office, I noticed all the sick people.  They all looked the same- thin, haunted, pale.  I didn’t look sick, didn’t really feel all that bad, didn’t feel like I belonged with all these sick people. 

Now, I look and feel like I belong.  I mean, I’m not wasting away into nothingness, my hair’s not gone yet, but I feel like a cancer patient.  Whatever weird stigmas I had about what a cancer patient was supposed to be are all gone now that I am one. 

The cancer itself hasn’t been so bad, but the chemo is nasty.  I haven’t had a proper meal since the morning of my chemo, subisting on things like blue Gatorade, (the only flavor I can stomach), bananas, toast, grits, cream of wheat.  I haven’t slept an entire night through since then, due to upset stomach, severe chest pain (from where the cancer is), night sweats, etc.  I’ve lost almost 9 pounds and don’t really have the energy to do much of anything.

It occurred to me, as I was getting up to run to the bathroom for the umpteenth time one night last week, that the entire concept of chemotherapy is nutsy and barbaric.  I mean, these people are poisoning me, and  I’m letting them do it; I’m not even putting up a fight, didn’t put up a fight when they installed titanium and silicone into my chest to send the poison directly into my Vena Cava, right near my freaking heart.  And, not only am I allowing it, but my insurance is paying good money for this poison- some people are poisoned with drain cleaners, but not me.  Only the best, designer-chic toxins for my body.

That was my bitter diatribe about chemo.  I’m hoping my body will adjust and it won’t be this icky next time, because I don’t think I can handle another 4-6 months of this past week.