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Renee CK

writer, editor

I'm a fun girl who's on a quest to figure it all out. I'm cynical but living the dream- I'm not sure how that happened exactly. Follow along in my blog for fun, mayhem, and merriment. There's never a dull day! (Or, go download my book- just ignore the cover. I hate it!)...

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Can You Really Go Home Again?

am i just plain selfish?

I grew up in Michigan.  I love me some Michigan. However, when I was in third grade and learned that there are places where it doesn’t snow, I wondered why in the hell we didn’t live in one of those places. (The only thing I could figure was snakes.  There are deadly snakes in places where it doesn’t snow.)  When I got into middle school and started to enjoy performances other than my annual dance recital, I wondered why we didn’t live in a bigger city where performances happen more often.  I find that my friends who moved away from my hometown had the same feelings. 

When I got the opportunity, I moved to one of those great places where it doesn’t snow.  Relatively newly married without kids, the world seemed like our oyster.  We chose Atlanta because it’s between Michigan and Florida. Same time zone, halfway in between the two so we can be a stopping point for Michigan-Florida visitors. 

As happens with newlyweds, we had a kid. And bought a house. And had another kid.  Oh yeah, and I almost died.  Suddenly we realized our life is here.  Yes, we were raised in Michigan and still have family there, but our memories are here, our doctors are here, our friends are here.

But, we still have to go back and visit the family. I like the saying I wasn’t raised in the south but I got here as soon as I could.  I call myself a northern belle.  I love all the things a southern belle loves, mostly having people around.  And I love my family.  We’ve spent a good portion of time in Michigan the last 4 summers.  The first of the 4 we actually spent all summer up there.  So, we’ve done the stuff that there is to do in Michigan which, really, isn’t much that we can’t do here.  My mom wants us to stay with her in her 1000 square foot ranch home with “toys”.  This is where I mention that mom’s toys are a little tikes basketball hoop, little tikes teeter totter, a LOT of Happy Meal toys, and the best of The Muppet Show on VHS which my kids have seen ad naseum.  This is not to mention that the sleeping arrangements are one of the kids with my mom and me and the other either on the thin pull out couch or the regular couch.  I am a sprawler so I just end up sleeping on the floor. 

My sister, on the other hand has a nice size house and since she has 3 kids, one my daughter’s age and twin boys, she not only has toys my kids are interested in, but also lives in a kid-friendly neighborhood.  However, 5 kids and 2 sisters under the same roof for too long, even with alcohol involved, is trouble. (Alchohol for the adults, not the kids!) 

Now is the time for us to go up and visit.  And despite the fact that this is my family, I don’t really want to go.  And this is hurting my mom and sister’s feelings.  How do you explain to them that it’s not worth driving 12 hours by yourself with 2 kids to not be wanted one place or have nothing to do in another?  I feel so guilty for just wanting to stay home. 

What is it about family that makes you feel like pond scum for wanting to stay close to home with your own family?  This is along the same lines of my camping rant. I’ve created a home I love, surrounded myself with people and things I love. Why should I make myself and my family miserable by driving long hours with limited resources (and this time that includes money- thank you economy) to go be miserable someplace else? 

So I’m trying to put the words together to tell mom and sis that I love them but the long weekend is the most I’m going to commit myself to.  Anyone with any suggestions, even if it’s that I’ve become a selfish bitch, please let me know.  For now I’m just walking around near tears wondering how I can do this to my mom.