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Kelly Love Johnson

Skirt! managing editor

Writer, editor, author, independent girly feminist hipster, slightly neurotic, cynically optimistic, compassionately liberal, fiscally conservative, somewhat intellectual, and always irreverent. ...

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The world’s shortest fairytale...

Kelly Love Johnson

A friend sent me this link earlier today – it’s for a ring that serves as a “proud declaration of your singlehood.” I love being single, but haven’t really felt the urge to celebrate it. Nor have I felt the urge to mourn my single status. I’m not in any rush to get married or cohabitate. Being single now is easier than it was in the 1950s. My own mother went through two marriages because she felt the pressure to marry and have children. We have more options now than ever, and more women are opting for indefinite singlehood. Why? There’s a good reason why the following joke has been circulating via email forwards for about 10 years now:

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?" The girl said "No" and she lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank martinis with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, iron or do laundry, had a closet full of shoes and handbags, stayed skinny, and was never farted on.
The End.

Yes, my list of “Reasons Why I’m Happily Single” includes “never farted on.” It also includes “don’t have to watch anyone use bathroom with door open,” “can paint dining room at 3am,” and “can play whatever music I like, at top volume, whenever I want.” Don’t get me wrong; I love men. I love them well and often (ask around....I’m sure you’ll get the dirty details). I just don’t think a happy relationship has to escalate to marriage. Or children. Or even living together. My ideal LTR (long-term relationship) would be with someone who has his own place, works a lot, travels often, and doesn’t have to know where I am or what I am doing every minute of the day. I'll save the post about my commitment issues for another day.