blog entry

Are women bad at friendship?

This question was posed by the gals over at Broadsheet (Salon.com’s blog for women) after the Los Angeles Times published an article accusing women of just that. Because the L.A. Times used celebrities as examples (i.e. Paris vs. Nicole, Heidi vs. Lauren, Posh vs. Katie), the girls at Broadsheet took offense to the question, suggesting that the trumped up feuds between these famous former BFFs were primarily of the media’s making because, as we all know, conflict sells.

But why is it that behind-the-scenes "catfights" among leading ladies are all to familiar but not so much with leading men? Do men handle disagreements with friends differently or are women just subject to unflattering media-hype and portrayals by a male-dominated society? With the new Sex and the City Movie coming out soon, why do we look to Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte as the girlfriends we all wish we had, only to hear that the movie almost didn’t happen due to disagreements among its stars?

Celebrity tiffs and media portrayals aside, the question IS an interesting one. Are women bad at friendship? There has been a plethora of books recently released dealing with the issue of “girlfriendships” gone wrong (i.e. “What Did I Do Wrong: When Women Don't Tell Each Other the Friendship is Over” and “The Friend Who Got Away: Twenty Women's True-Life Tales of Friendships that Blew Up, Burned Out, or Faded Away”) and I for one have witnessed grown women treat others as if we’re all still in high school (think almost middle-aged “Mean Girls”). So what gives?

Though I do believe that society revels in a good catfight, I also think that female-on-female bitchiness (the topic of this article on my blog) is more prevalent than it should be. While we should be each other’s biggest supporters, we somehow end up being each other’s harshest critics. It's my opinion that some women just never learned how to be a good friend. And not until we learn that important lesson (and I’m convinced that it IS learnable), will our daughters follow suit.

When I showed the two above-mentioned articles to my husband, I got a surprising reaction. He completely disagreed and said that women are far better at friendship then men. He said that we're better at keeping in touch, remembering birthdays, and better at maintaining long-term friendships in general. It was funny to hear his take (and a bit reassuring).

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the subject. Though I’m no expert, there’s one thing I do know, all relationships take work and if you’ve got yourself an honest-to-God BFF, she’s worth her weight in gold…don’t ever let her go!