f-word

How Can You Be a Feminist Without Anyone Knowing?

“I’m not a feminist, but…” is a phrase I hear young women say quite often. Courtney Martin, an author whose work focuses on perfectionism and body image in women, encourages her young audiences to break out of that mindset and embrace a new f-word: feminism. This is a scary thought for women of my generation, who have distanced themselves from what they see as “extreme” feminist ideas and from the inevitable “bitch” label that comes with them.

Let me make it quite simple: a feminist is someone who thinks that women deserve the same rights, opportunities and responsibilities as men. Extreme? Hardly.
As a self-confessed raging feminist, I don’t think anyone should be ashamed of the label, and I wear it with pride, but I can understand how many women are not quite ready for it yet. So until they are, here are five ways to be a feminist without ever having to use the f-word.

First, stop obsessing about your body. Stop criticizing it in public. Stop telling other women, “I wish I had your thighs.” Every time you do, you’re reinforcing the idea that women are only valuable if they’re physically attractive. You have an amazing brain—you deserve to be recognized for it. You might also have an amazing body, but my point is that while society values men for their brains, regardless of what their bodies look like, women are still largely valued only for their appearance (you don’t hear anyone talking about John McCain’s wrinkles, but everyone’s wondering whether or not Hillary has had botox). Set an example for other women, and for the world, by valuing yourself and your friends for the right reasons.

Secondly, stop calling each other sluts and whores. As Tina Fey explained in Mean Girls, calling women sluts and whores just makes it okay for men to call you sluts and whores. Fey was right—if women not only allow this kind of demeaning language, but embrace it and use it, we send a strong message that it’s acceptable for men to demean us. True, their meaning has evolved over the years, but even in their current usage, the sentiment behind them is the same: this woman is contemptible, and she’s contemptible because she engages in sex. Do yourself and your friends a favor, and stop reviling women for having sex, unless you’re going to revile men equally.

Third, don’t let advertisers sell you empowerment. In 2003, satirical newspaper The Onion ran a hilarious article called “Women Now Empowered by Everything a Woman Does,” which poked fun at our habit of calling everything we do a “personal choice,” and therefore equating it with feminism. Be a smart consumer: advertisers probably aren’t the best authority on what empowerment looks like, especially if they’re telling you that it looks exactly like their product.

Fourth, make smart sexual decisions. It’s easy for feminism to be distorted until it looks a lot like Samantha on Sex and the City—unattached, meaningless sex (or as she calls it, “sex like a man”). But feminism means being able to make the right choice for you. If that means hooking up after a night out at the bar, go for it, but make sure you’re doing it because you want to. If it means saving yourself until marriage, go for it, but again, don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do. Listen to your own sexual desires, acknowledge their legitimacy, and follow them.

Finally, value real women. Admire and emulate women who make intellectual contributions, women of talent and integrity. Yes, it’s mindless fun to follow the lives of the tabloid staples, but let’s get real: Amy Winehouse is not a good role model for anyone. Hillary Clinton, the Dixie Chicks, scientists, countless business leaders and politicians—these women make real contributions, and can inspire us to do the same.

If you already do these five things, congratulations, you’re a feminist. Deal with it. Those of you still in the “I’m not a feminist, but…” camp, not quite ready to burn your bras: take these five steps and you’ll be on your way to saying the f-word out in the open. 

~Chloe Angyal

Chloe Angyal is a Sociology major from Sydney, Australia. She can be reached at cangyal@princeton.edu.