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Chris Kuhn

Editor, skirt! Tampa Bay

I'm an outspoken thirtysomething who has lived in the Tampa Bay area since 1992, full of useless facts on just about every facet of pop culture. I'm passionate about vegetarianism without passing judgment. I love to laugh. If we can't talk politics, music, movies, sports, TV or current events, you'...

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Moms, Careers and Nagging Questions

Chris, Editor for skirt! Tampa Bay

A friend of mine recently shared the good news that she and her husband were expecting. What a life-changing experience lay ahead for them. I was ecstatic and surprised myself by tearing up at the dinner table. I’m not sure why I reacted like that. Sure, I was happy for them and knew that they would be loving, supportive, nurturing parents. I also began wondering if it was a more personal response than I expected.

I’ve never given birth to a child though I was lucky enough to gain the experience of raising two kids through marriage. No diapers, no teething, no terrible twos...but also no first words, no art projects on the fridge and no helping out at little league games. Both boys were entering double digits when this young stepmom stepped into the picture. But I made a conscious decision when I married someone older than me that I would be satisfied getting to know my new pre-made family I’ve always chosen to focus a good deal on my career. Besides, I’ve never heard the nagging tick-tock interfering with my daily rhythms. Never. Ever.

So why did I cry? Maybe part of me had thought that my similarly career-driven friend had elected not to go down the motherhood road with me. Or maybe it was a reminder that like for many of my close friends around me, life was changing quickly while I felt I was standing still. But the conversation at the table raised a very interesting concern that hasn’t left my mind all week. Why do others – whether family, colleagues or total strangers – make women feel guilty for wanting to go back to their jobs after giving birth? There are certainly other women like me who choose the career route only but there also are plenty of career women who want to have a child and manage to balance career and family. Why is this decision to return to the job perceived so negatively? As women, we work so hard to achieve the professional milestones we set out to accomplish and are proud of them. Why should a woman feel guilty for wanting to keep that aspect of her identity even after becoming a mother?

I felt badly for my friend that these questions had already begun to bombard her and concern had entered her mind.

I’d love to hear from both moms in the area who made the decision to return to the workforce and those who decided not to do so. What kind of pressures did you feel and how did you manage them?