from the publisher

Pythons! No laughing matter!

nikki

publisher@skirt.com

I’m afraid of so many things–dental x-rays, Kirstie Alley, de-icing on the runway and the germs on gas pumps, children and ATM machines, to mention just a few. But lately they have all taken a back seat to my fear of giant Burmese pythons, the ones weighing up to 250 pounds and measuring as much as 20 feet long. The ones that are slithering toward us as I write, making their way into our homes via the sewer system. The ones that can swallow a whole hog or small poodle. The ones headed toward my neighborhood, according to USA Today. It seems that as climate change warms the country, these beasts could spread from San Francisco across the Southwest, Texas and the South and up north along the Virginia coast. When I mentioned the article in the office, one of my co-workers confirmed my fears by telling me that giant pythons can come up into your house through the TOILET. Evidently this happened to a friend of a sister of a hairdresser of a neighbor of her mom in Florida, who advised her to keep the toilet lid closed at all times. Rigid with fear, I could sort of see the logic of keeping the lid down, but three things bothered me. First, couldn’t a 250-pound python easily lift the lid on its own? Second, if it couldn’t get a running start (the majority of his body obviously being still in the pipes), would it be any better to lift the lid and see it staring up at you in the middle of the night? But most important of all, what hope is there of protecting our country from the threat of giant pythons if we have to rely on men to put the lid down every time?