blogger profile

Rhi Bowman

Freelance Writer/ Student

Rhi (pronounced Ree) B. is short for Rhiannon Bowman. Rhi B. is me. I’m a young woman– a newly wed, mother of two spoiled rotten cats and student– working hard to get out of college and on with the business of freelance writing. Trading money for words is a lifelong dream. After allowing...

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Hit Send

Seems easy, right? I swear, though, it is always after I "hit send" that I discover some normally easy-to-spot, elementary error in my drafts. Because of this I've developed a little submission anxiety. It's uncalled for, I mean no editor has ever responded with, "COMMA SPLICE! Oh my God. We can't work with you anymore. What were you thinking putting that comma there?"

But, still, it's embarrassing. I call myself a writer so I feel I should be held to a higher standard and if I make some sort of self-editing mistake, if only because I've read a piece 400 times in an afternoon and can no longer actually see the words, I feel like a goober.

All the same, the more I "hit send," whether it's on a query letter, submission, rewrite or contest entry the more profitable my freelance writing business will become. So, hitting send is something I need to do often and with confidence.

I think a certain level of anxiety and uncertainty is normal for writers, or creative people of any type. I mean, I don't know if our work will ever really be done, even after it's been printed in 20 languages, or if it will ever good enough.

Sometimes I abandon my work, but the damn stuff haunts me when I do. I have a pile of short stories and essays I have put entire months into that I broke up with because they became unruly in some way. Many of them have their own folder on my computer and in my email in-box from where they sit and whistle to me, "Yooohooo! Over here! We're not done yet."

There is that moment, though, when you've reached the end-- an end you couldn't have predicted or planned-- and you know, you just know, it's time to hit send and be done with it. Frequently these are the pieces I sell or that editors respond to with comments like, "This is why I wanted to work with you, Rhi."

I just had one of those moments with a story I wasn't all that interested in writing. It was one of those pay-the-bills projects on a subject that takes more introspection than I feel I have time for right now, what with final exams glaring at me from their box on the calendar and holiday plans poking their way into the mix. I agonized over that silly story, only 700-and-some-odd-number words. For all I know no one will even read it.

Once it finally came together, though, and after that last little tweak, I had one of those, "Oh, yeah," moments where that deep-down-inside done feeling lives. (I've decided that's the best feeling in the world.)

Still, now that I've hit send I can't bring myself to re-read it. Which is the trouble anyway, isn't it? If I could birth all these words and let them run off into the world without any supervision I'd probably experience much more internal peace, wouldn't I? I can't, though.

Eventually I'm going to sort through my send-box and read the damn thing only to find some word, a word the delete key forgot, hanging out where it's not supposed to be and my face will get hot.

Oh well. On to the next deadline.