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Loida Casares Ruiz

Wife, Mother, Writer, Advertising Manager

Loida Casares Ruiz grew up in Northeast Houston. She graduated from the University of Houston with a Bachelor of Arts in Journalism and Minor in English. She received a Master of Arts in Communication in 2001. She works in advertising by day and is a mother, wife, and writer by night. She has al...

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Death and Dying

Loida Casares Ruiz

Yesterday I took my kids to a funeral for the first time.  I know there are different opinions on this subject and many people probably don’t agree with the idea.  I grew up with very realistic parents who believed that death was a part of life and who also had deep religious beliefs about what happens to us when we die.  Therefore I grew up always going to funerals and understanding death, as much as you can understand death.

I’ve taken my children to funerals before, but they were smaller and didn’t realize where they were because I always kept them at the back of the room.  This time it was different because my daughter is seven and I knew that she would be more aware of where we were at.  I decided to be honest about where we were going and to tell them what to expect ahead of time.  I explained the seriousness of the occasion and that this was our friends’ grandmother and mother.  I asked them how they would feel if kids were acting bad at one of their own grandparents’ funerals.  I think they understood because they were pretty good.  My son was as fidgety and talking as much as you would expect from a four year old and my daughter was bored once the talking began.

What really intrigued them of course was viewing the body.  There were many questions and comments such as: “Where are her legs?” “Can we touch her?” “She looks like she’s sleeping.” “She looks like she’s in a space ship.” Those are just the ones I remember.

I showed them the pictures of her when she was alive. Some were pictures of her when she was young and I explained to them our belief of the resurrection.  I told them that she was sleeping and that when God resurrects her she would look just like she did in those pictures when she was young. 

I must admit I was a little apprehensive about doing this, but I also thought about how I was when I was a child and how I am grateful now to my parents for taking this approach regarding death.  I know my children and they both have huge fearless personalities, much bigger than I ever had, so on the other hand I didn’t worry too much.  My parents’ approach really helped me accept death and when I lost my sister when I was 25 and my mother when I was 30 I feel like I handled it pretty well.  I hope that I can do the same for my kids.