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Tara

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My name's Tara, and I live in the fabulous city of Atlanta (go Braves!) I enjoy reading, music, and long walks in the park. When I'm not busy lusting over Derrick from the Real World/Road Rules Challenge on MTV, I enjoy trying my hand in the kitchen. My family are genuine, "straight off the boat" It...

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I'm Losing Her.

“Domestic violence causes far more pain than the visible marks of bruises and scars. It is devastating to be abused by someone that you love and think loves you in return. It is estimated that approximately 3 million incidents of domestic violence are reported each year in the United States.”

 Sen. Dianne Feinstein

I’ve been feeling really crummy lately, what with being unemployed and all, and I could think of no better remedy than a nice visit with a dear friend of mine. After all, I’ve been there for her during trying times, and isn’t that what friends are for?

I haven’t seen her in almost three months, and prior to our last visit, we went a good seven months without one another’s company. For some reason, every time I called her, I would be forced to leave a voice message, and her replies were usually nothing more than a measly text message indicating how much she missed me. At first, I grew angry and frustrated, unable to grasp her difficulty in making contact with me. Why is it so hard to pick up your phone and dial someone who’s supposedly so important to you? But last night, it became all too clear to me.

Isolation from friends and family is just one of many aspects to domestic violence, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. The abuser wants his (or her) victim to be entirely dependent on them for all needs, including social interaction. Only when they’ve limited their victim’s world to them and them alone can they fully achieve power and control. It’s a psychological technique very similar to brainwashing.

Hindsight truly is 20/20, as it now makes perfect sense to me why I must always travel to her house for a visit, and the one time she ventured up my way, he had to tag along. The Halloween party I invited her to last year would’ve been so much fun, but sadly, she couldn’t attend unless he came with us. Any one of my other friends’ husbands would’ve been more than welcome to come along, as their roles would’ve been as participants rather than chaperones. I told her I didn’t want him to come; he’s a major buzz-kill.

But the final straw was last night when (after making plans to get together today) she left me a voice message saying that her husband just wanted to lay low around the house, and I couldn’t come over. Believe me – no one appreciates some alone time better than I do, but considering I haven’t seen or talked to her in months, you’d think he’d be able to make an exception. Lord knows he hits the town with his buddies whenever the mood strikes him, but she can’t have one friend over to her house with him there to supervise? Something’s terribly wrong with this picture.

She’s told me several stories of his chivalric nature, such as the time he sprayed her with Mace. Then there was the time he told her she needed to lose 10 pounds if she wanted him to have sex with her. And how could I forget the night of his birthday, when she called me crying because he was out celebrating with a group of his buddies (and their wives) while forbidding her to come along as well. Then there was the time he hit on me right in front of her. To be perfectly honest, I could go on and on about this, but we all have day jobs, don’t we?

She’s come to work with black eyes, but of course, she got them because she fell while “drunk.” And she most recently sported a broken leg, which she insists happened while training in the police academy. Maybe it did, or maybe it didn’t, but the whole situation sickens me. I don’t know who I’m madder at – him for being a prick, or her for allowing such mistreatment to continue.

Most wives rant and rave about things such as a new pair of diamond earrings or a fancy dinner their husbands surprised them with. Their stories are of a bragging nature, simply because they foster bragging. There’s an actual “Wow!" factor to them. This friend of mine, on the other hand, will talk your ear off for a good five or ten minutes about how sweet her husband was when she was sick. What’s the story in that? Aren’t you supposed to care for someone you love? It seems as though the simplest gestures of affection (while taken for granted by so many of us) are novel to her.

At this point, I’m at a loss for options, and the only thing I’m relying on is the power of prayer. She’s shed enough tears in front of me and her other friends to last a lifetime, yet she takes no action. My hope is that God can protect her in the short term, and enlighten and empower her for the long term. After all, He did not place her on this planet to be treated like shit.

She’s read my blogs on Skirt before, and if I’m lucky enough for her to tune in on this post, then I need for her to realize just how wonderful she is. She’s got the most amazing heart, willing to lend her shoulder to anyone who needs it. Heck, she would give you the Prada shirt off her back if necessary. If she wasn’t so special, I wouldn’t persist in our friendship like I am. So many people would benefit from her company, and she deserves theirs as well.

Even though I never see her, my door will always be opened to her.