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Pamela
Professional Human Being
I am approximately 35....ok, for sure 35 years old, with two beautiful spawn, ages 3 (drama daughter) and 5 (little tank), and a magnificant husband. I teach high school English, and have supposedly maintained my sanity in the process. I enjoy reading, lots of music, traveling and wine. That sounde...
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The Importance of Being Burdened

Monday, September, 1, 2008

It is approximately 7:00 in the morning, and the spawn have been awake for 45 minutes (that I know of). At this moment, they are spooky quiet, leading me to believe that they are either dissecting the cat, or bounding, pajamas, blankies, and all, into a pile of Halloween booty that has been hidden for almost a year. Either way, I’m staying RIGHT where I am, simply because, for today, I am burdened.

The things that are going on around me are quite minimal if you compare them to, say, the suffering happening at this moment in India, China, or even New Orleans. My lack of order at home due partly to the installation of new flooring and my desire to paint my world calm, can’t possibly compare to the plight of our brothers and sisters in New Orleans, who are, as I type this, having to pack up everything they own,  if they happen to be lucky enough to be able to afford the exodus from their comfortable world to someplace drier and more still. My frustration with myself over not sticking firmly to the South Beach Diet and watching my pants grow snug around the middle once again can in no way compare to the devastation of those in India who have no food to eat, nor water to drink......what would they say to my complaints about that extra Cadbury Flake bar that I shoved into my own mouth, or the glass of wine that I debated over for at least 10 minutes the night before? Yes, I partook. My frustrations over not having a chef, a nanny, a housekeeper, a house worthy of a housekeeper, a gardener (which would require room for a garden), a study/library that would serve as my refuge from the rest of the world, so on and so forth, are so silly when I put on my “big picture eyes”, though I can’t for the life of me, stop this from being THE ISSUE that I deal with once every month or two. Why can’t I suck it up and live in the land of happy thoughts? I HAVE the hot, amazing husband. I HAVE the job I love. I HAVE two beautiful, healthy, incredibly energetic children. I have my health.  I even have a few amazing friends. So why can’t I live in an always shiny sparkly space? Are some (read me) just wired to roll a little on the sad side of the road every once in a while? By the way, If you have been around long enough, you will know that this is a hairy little monster that I stand eyeball to eyeball with quite regularly. I am not depressed in the clinical way, so please don’t overreact or offer suggestions of herbal remedies.... I just realize that the act of putting it out there often helps sweep it away more quickly. Thank you for rolling with me.... :)

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getaclewis
getaclewis
Sighhhhhhhh
Posted Mon, 09/01/2008 - 09:11
Did you know that your sadness is your gift to me? Somehow, when you trust me with the bleak, you give me permission to sigh and embrace my own. You won't desert me and that's huge. (If you were incessantly cheerful, I would have a really tough time confiding in you.) I'm glad you're exactly you. "Trust Life's unfolding..."
ReneeCK
ReneeCK
Perfect Fit
Posted Mon, 09/01/2008 - 11:05
I am the person who when you say "my kids dissected my cat" I remind you that a) your two kids enjoyed the moment and learned something and b) there are plenty of other cats in the world who need an unstable home. Or maybe a dog is a better idea. So, your hairy eyed monster doesn't bother me a bit.

By the way, how is the cat?
Jodene
Jodene
i love how you define your
Posted Mon, 09/01/2008 - 20:00
i love how you define your profession (I started with a lower case letter in jest!). The more I write and learn about my own process, the less I know about how to teach writing. Ironically, I was asked to be on an advisory board for the National Writing Project (NWP) and I'm a little bewildered. Are you familiar with the NWP? The concept is wonderful, but I wonder how much writing is about experiences and how much it is about following a process. Anyhow, I applaud you for your work with high schoolers- keep inspiring!
Charlene Ross
Charlene Ross
Wow! Get out of MY head!
Posted Mon, 09/01/2008 - 23:12
Pamela - you are my long lost twin. I have everything I need and most of what I want and TRY to look at the big picture when I can't stick to a diet (4 parties over the Labor Day weekend - can you say hello 5 pounds to the girl who can't keep away from the chip bowl?!) and my kids start bugging me and my closet seems way too small and I seem overwhelmed by the little piles of things to get to in my life, but it's so hard! Yes, we have it better than most of the world we , but we still have to tell ourselves its OKAY to have a pity party every once in a while - as long as it doesn't last too long.
Charlene Ross
Charlene Ross
Wow! Get out of MY head!
Posted Mon, 09/01/2008 - 23:12
Pamela - you are my long lost twin. I have everything I need and most of what I want and TRY to look at the big picture when I can't stick to a diet (4 parties over the Labor Day weekend - can you say hello 5 pounds to the girl who can't keep away from the chip bowl?!) and my kids start bugging me and my closet seems way too small and I seem overwhelmed by the little piles of things to get to in my life, but it's so hard! Yes, we have it better than most of the world we , but we still have to tell ourselves its OKAY to have a pity party every once in a while - as long as it doesn't last too long.
BCBlogger
BCBlogger
Oh . . .
Posted Tue, 09/02/2008 - 12:00
how I've missed you!!!! I'm sorry you're battling the beast at the moment. He's quite a little bastard, isn't he? (She, it. . .) If I had a magic wand, I would wave it and physically manifest this floating sadness into an ugly little troll. . .to which we could proceed to drink all the wine we wanted and commence kicking the living shit out of the evil little package. Light-stealing little creep. Hunker down and wait out the storm, woman. It's all you can do.
Notablogger
Notablogger
Do you Check your e-mail?
Posted Thu, 09/04/2008 - 10:41
Is it that you're to busy blogging away, or working at a new school, or just don't want to respond? Check out the name as it is a fitting title for myself. It's sad I had to make a freakin account to keep in touch. Hope all is well with you and all the ex-EG peeps. We all still exist over on "east side." Holla at cha boy when you get a chance. Not on skirt as there's a 99.9% chance I don't check it often. whitej3 style....that's how I roll. jw
ClaudineMJ
ClaudineMJ
I think it's from being tired...
Posted Tue, 09/09/2008 - 18:52
At least that's what happens to me. It's nearly impossible to be happy all the time. Even if you don't live in a vaccuum and realize others are suffering. Puppies feel that way--they're clueless and have an IQ of about 50. You are entitled to those days. I don't fight them. I think about them, I realize that maybe I need to push myself a bit, or maybe it's my brains way of forcing me to just STOP already. If you're always running for the brass ring you're bound to get tired. I have a bad habit of not being able to stop moving.. sometimes my body just decides it's had enough.

That's why I took some writing time off for a while.. I was just too wiped out and this was ONE MORE THING I had to crank out. I'm feeling better now though.. so I'm back baybay!

Claudine M. Jalajas
http://cjalajas.blogspot.com/